A covid-19 CLOSE CONTACT point of view.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim. 

Assalamualaikum.

I have been quarantined for almost a week.

A week full of anxiety.

A week full of guilty.

A week full of reflection.

A week full of mixed feelings.

Sesetengah orang mungkin rasa 'Eleh, close contact je pun, bukan positive pun. Rilex sudah la'

It is not as simple as that.

The most torturous feeling is when we don't know ourselves whether we are the virus carrier or not. Bila test guna self-test kit, result negative but people keep treating you like a covid-19 patient. You need to stay in a confined room, unable to leave the room, and even the food is sent in front of the room *disclaimer: my housemate did an excellent job in taking care of me, tolong masakkan, hantar makanan sampai ke depan pintu bilik, ambilkan barang keperluan etc.

Berbeza sangat perasaan antara kena kuarantin dalam rumah dan kena kuarantin dalam bilik. Kalau ikutkan hati, nak je keluar bilik, tapi sendiri faham, kalau buat macam tu, chances untuk bahayakan housemate sangat tinggi. Sebab tak tahu status diri sendiri. Ke kanan tak, ke kiri pun tak. Kau berada di tengah-tengah. Macam dalam surah Al-A'raf. It is a mental torture sebab ketidaktahuan nasib kita dimana, menunggu dan terus menunggu sampai la ada kata putus which tak tahu pun bila ada kata putus tu.

Bergaduh dengan diri sendiri. Rasa bersalah sebab banyak menyusahkan housemate. Rasa serabut sebab boleh tengok dunia luar dari dalam tingkap bilik je. Rasa suffocate. Rasa marah. Rasa nak menangis. Mixed feelings.

And apa yang mak cakap is

'Sabar. Bersyukur la kita tak kena. Ujian jugak tu'

Yes indeed.

Alhamdulillah dah habis kuarantin dan masih terpelihara dari virus covid-19.

p/s we are all in the same building, just different rooms. I'm here to share a story from my side and not to judge others' difficulties.

10.10am, 26 February 2022

Kajang